Why ‘Ecofriendly Diwali’ Is A Great Oxymoron

Hope you all had a great the day before yesterday.

It was Diwali, probably one of the very few days I surely enjoy every year, the other days being the ones when I watch Quentin Tarantino or Christopher Nolan movies with people who have never heard of their works before. Yesterday was declared a holiday, which I did not expect at all, considering how the college I study in has a tendency to disappoint.

Anyways, there has been a lot of talk, like every year to make this Diwali ecofriendly. Unlike many people, I find this extremely hilarious, because if there is one festival that does not deserve to be made ecofriendly, it is this.

This festival has a separate, unique and probably the best identity. Crackers. There is no other way to recognise this festival. Dussehra is recognised by the 10 days holidays that it brings, and for most, Christmas also falls under the same category. But Diwali does not.

In fact, there are a lot of people urging me to not celebrate with crackers, but stay home and study. I have only one thing to say: Go home, advisor. You are drunk.

Seriously? You want me to stay at home on the only day when the smell of gunpowder is delightful, when there is massive colourful displays of Sodium, Potassium and Sulphur? No way, man. Fireworks is the first best thing that the Chinese invented, and it is best for all of us to enjoy and savour the invention.

For all of you who celebrate and want the rest of the world to celebrate festivals in an ecofriendly manner, here’s a suggestion: Try convincing America to have the 4th of July a silent celebration where the people just sit in their homes and watch TV. Or try telling England to celebrate the Guy Fawkes day around the fireplace in their homes. That sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?

So does celebrating Diwali in an ecofriendly way.

What really amazes me is how hard people try to accomplish this. I know someone, who once tried to spend a Diwali without crackers, but ended up enjoying more than the rest of us. And this year, the same person told me that this Diwali would be different because there would be no celebrating with crackers. But then, I don’t really know how it went. Maybe crackers were used, maybe they weren’t. But then, I know how much that person loves crackers, and I wonder how they looked at other people, enjoying, not concerned about anything else except the burning string dabbled with gunpowder attached to a combination of explosive elements.

But there are a few downsides to this festival. Traffic. The traffic on the roads increases exponentially, which is very frustrating. There is already enough traffic, and when it is coupled with the Indian drivers’ instinct to start a fight for the smallest thing, there are very few things that you could call worse.

And a few days ago, I read somewhere that there are many burn injuries every year, which I don’t even consider as a downside. It is your responsibility to be careful, and I’m not lecturing you about that.

And it is not just India that celebrates this festival. Among the other countries that celebrate Diwali, here are a few popular countries that you might recognize: USA, England, New Zealand, Australia. (If you recognized England just because they beat us badly in the recently concluded one sided test series, then I think you really should switch to watching some daily Hindi serials or something like that.)

I guess you now see why I call the phrase ‘Ecofriendly Diwali’ a great oxymoron. The phrase is so beautifully contradictory, that I think it is one of the best oxymorons I have ever heard. In that league, is the most famous of all, ‘Happily Married’.

So, that is enough, this week. If there is another Diwali, let me know, although I am not sure of writing about it anytime soon, because I have got a good deal of assignments to finish, and relatively less time to finish them all. So, see you all next week, with something pointless and stupid.

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